 - What made you decide cheat on your first man? What is your attitude to being unfaithful? How did the different sex partners feel? Did it bring you satisfaction? Do you still feel attracted to your first flame?
A year ago I cheated on my boyfriend for the first time. Our relationships were just great, and I enjoyed sex with my boyfriend a lot. We have already been living together and had plans of getting married in the future (and still do).
I have never even thought of cheating, although men did pay attention to me – I look exotic, did not I :) I liked it, but no more than that. I had an inner bias against cheating. I thought (and always said so) that even if one happened to fall in love it did not justify cheating. You just have to give it time and forget.
It happened that there appeared a new guy at work, almost as young as I was. Immediately he began taking interests in me. His interest was not obtrusive, but very clear, nevertheless, and besides, I felt, it was sincere. And since we worked in the same office, I felt his attention everyday.
Soon we became close – as friends. He became a person I shared all my problems with, both work and home ones, he was always able to listen sympathetically and cheer me up.
My new friend honestly helped me figure out men’s psychology, gave advice and comforted me. I was happy to have him as a friend, I grew to need him. When I had fights with my boyfriend at home, I was happy to go to work to share everything with this understanding person, ‘to cry on his shoulder’.
However, my friend made me understand that he was not quite content with the role of a ‘crying shoulder’. He was not in love with me and did not speak of feelings. On several occasions he let me know clearly that he wanted me as a woman. I saw his desire in his eyes and his words were rather straightforward.
I must say that that impressed me too, gave a kind of sexual impulses at times. When somebody sincerely and constantly wants you that much, you begin to feel your special value, become sort of proud of yourself. Willy-nilly, thought of ‘what if?’ kind comes to your mind.
A very abstract thoughts, because I always perceived myself as a ‘faithful girlfriend’ – almost a wife. Many times I tried to orient him in the right direction, I said that our friendship was more precious than any other relationships, said I would never be able to cheat on my boyfriend – that he should not even dream about it. He understood everything, did not insist, but I saw that he was desperate. A mixture of desire and despair – this was what I saw in his eyes. I felt like doing something nice to him, if not what he dreamt of, but at least something…
So once, at a corporate party, when everybody was a bit drunk already, I gave in to feelings and I had an idea to kiss him. Just to kiss, in front of everybody, with a good excuse. Amidst celebration and happy mood, my suggestion to drink ‘Bruderschaft’ was most welcome.
Honestly speaking, I was proud of my kissing skills and even wanted to embarrass him a little bit with them. So, we stood up, drank and… I do not think I can explain it… It was more than a kiss. I have never experienced anything like that in my life. All my girlie’s attempts to kiss were stopped straight away. Confidently and decisively he took control of my lips and mouth, and in a few seconds his tongue entered me strongly and sensuously…
No adjectives can describe that kiss. For a second I even must have passed out. He entered me with such passion that suddenly I perceived his tongue as a man’s essence and my lips as female’s.
He was entering me, filling me up, caressing, teasing, stimulating. He was basically fucking me with his kiss in front of everybody watching! In a very short time he nearly brought me to orgasm, and there was nothing I could do about it – I surrendered myself to him helplessly. That was a real sex, sex through a kiss (if one may say so). I am not sure how long it lasted. But when it ended, the whole room was in dead silence – everybody was looking at us…
After that occasion I began to see many things differently. I still had my inner taboos, but they became more formal. I had a feeling that with such a kiss, I have cheated on my boyfriend already, so fidelity did not make much sense anymore. However, I tried to maintain our relationships within the same frameworks for a while.
But the memories of that kiss lived, I felt like experiencing it again very much. After a month I gave up and kissed him again, when we were alone in the room. And again, he did not disappoint me!
After that there was a period of madness. Passion he evoked in me fought with the sense of duty, so our relationships developed in small steps. But now I provoked him myself to do things I never thought of before.
We stayed everyday in the office after hours. Hot kisses, open conversations about sex… Once, we began talking about the beauty of female breasts, and I boasted mine (knowing very well, what was about to follow). Naturally, he suggested I show them. Just a little time earlier I could not even have thought about it, but then I undid my bra boldly and lifted my blouse… In a second he was already kissing my breasts and did it so skillfully that I melted like a shaking jelly…
A week or so passed in crazy caress. Even the serious risk did not stop us (somebody could always come in and see us!). Overwhelmed with desire we continued doing it everyday anyway, carefully listening to the sounds coming from the corridor. Moreover, I am embarrassed to say, but I was the first to ‘offer him myself’ – so much I wanted it.
Just the remainders of my honesty and duty kept me from the last step. ‘On top’ I now allowed him everything, but did not let him ‘down there’, even began wearing jeans to work. As an ostrich I buried my head in the send trying to convince myself that ‘on top’ – is not yet cheating. Because the was no physical cheating (sex, or him penetrating me).
But soon came the day, when I, driven to the state of frenzy with his kisses and caresses, lost all control and let the quick movement of his hand through, under the belt of my jeans. I came to my senses only when he took me in his hand proprietary, like an owner - down there!
For half a minute I stood petrified with my treasure obediently put in the hand on the Master. And understood that that was it – I had no more moral ground to consider myself a ‘faithful girlfriend’. And when he offered me to meet ‘on the neutral ground’ one more time – I went. I made the last desperate attempt to ‘save my face’ – I undressed myself in front of him, lay down and invited him into the bed (as if it was my own decision).
But the truth was different. He seduced me, and I, despite my principles and understanding of honesty, gave in. The reason was pretty banal – sex. But how sweet it was – sex with him! That was the reason.
If, at some stage, he appeared to be worse than my boyfriend, I would have stopped all my experiments right there. But, starting from that historical kiss, he proved to be better! Much better, I should say. So much better, that I, having tasted the pleasure, gave him the pass to the next stage myself. And over and over again he was able to impress me, surprise, astound and stagger, make me want him – despite my principles.
I do not feel sorry about it. We stayed lovers for a couple of months only. With him I discovered all sides of female sexuality in its most extraordinary and even strange manifestations. I experienced the satisfaction of a proud beauty queen, catching a look of admiration, and the joy of a lusty slut, licking the boots of my Master pitifully begging to be fucked.
We parted about three month ago due to circumstances beyond our control, I do not want to go into details here, but it was a tragedy for both of us. My official boyfriend never knew about anything. I am ‘a faithful girlfriend’ again now.
That affair is now a thing of the past, and is the only one I had. I do not blame myself, I would not blame my boyfriend either, saying that he did not pay enough attention to me, as women like to put it.
I think of what happened differently – just my real Master came, the one given me from above, and took me.
I will remember him forever. He is far away now, but he is always close to me, in my heart, closer than anybody else. I think he will always stay there.
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